I am not sure if I will published this blog entry. Right now I am writing it as self-therapy and I doubt if this could be interesting to anyone but me. After all everyone does creative things for different reasons and my reasons are different from yours. But here it is. I MUST create stuff just like I MUST make music. I put it in same category as eating my vegetables, excercising and watching movies. These things make me feel better and enjoy life. I am not paid for any of these activities but that doesn't mean I won't do them.
The competing interest is my day job. I love my day job, spent years refining the skills I use there, and think society as a whole benefits from my efforts. Bottom line, I am not quiting my day job just because I like to sculpt, paint and play music. BUT how can one find the discipline to fit in all this stuff into a 24 hour day ? How can you stretch and grow as an artist (or musician) if you only have time to indulge once every two weeks ?
And here is the rub. I have always been a goal directed person, probably because I am really lazy. If I didn't have goals I would stay in bed all day with the remote control, laptop and phone nearby. But my artistic goals do not match a twice a month schedule and therefore I ended up feeling frustrated.